Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
