I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
