Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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