Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
