Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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