I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
