theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
meet me or not, i'm out of control
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
false alarm, still single
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
