so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
