Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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