I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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