I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have already put on my inside pants.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
