Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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