i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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