Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
