please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I looked at my own cervix.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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