So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
