How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
