I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
