I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
