Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
