Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
