A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
