I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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