Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
