I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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