I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
