You can't motorboat a personality
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
