her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
