He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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