In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
