I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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