somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
