Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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