I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
