i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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