I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize