Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize