Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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