i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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