he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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