If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
