people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
