we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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