ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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