btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
