How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can't talk, ducks in the car
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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