WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
