This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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