I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
