You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
