remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
