just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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