Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
