Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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