I want to make a zoo with you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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