The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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