I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The uberlube is also flammable
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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