Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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