Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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