doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
