bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
