I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
