Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize