you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
