Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
