He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He felt like a one man threesome
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I forget how to act sober
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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