i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
